In honor of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. today, I found this speech where he suggests, “a deep belief in your own dignity, your own worth and your own somebody-ness… Don’t allow anybody to make you feel that you are nobody. Always feel that you count. Always feel that you have worth. And always feel that your life has ultimate significance.”
Racial Stress, Racial Trauma
Trauma treatment recommendations often emphasize how recovery can only take place once the individual has left the harmful circumstances or abusive environment, and feels safe enough to focus on recovery. When it comes to racial harm, that’s virtually impossible.
When there may be numerous wounds and more potential harm, I have noticed that it takes time for individuals I support to warm up to talking about experiences of discrimination, micro- and macro-aggressions as well as the whole gamut of oppression in therapy. I know from personal experiences that if/when bringing up such complicated feelings hasn’t gone well, it may contribute to even more caution. So I encourage you to feel into the relationship with me as we go along, and test the waters however you need.
Perhaps you feel as if you have to put on a kind of mask—in part as a form of protection—if you work in a white dominant company, organization or industry. {Not to mention OMG what’s happening in this country and globally!} Between first-hand experiences and supporting others, BIPOC get tokenized, feel tapped to be the representative of a certain culture/ethnicity/gender/race/sexual orientation, and so many other convoluted situations requiring even more additional labor… On the outside you may do your best to maintain a calm, pleasant or agreeable appearance. Meanwhile, you may want to explode, scream and fight! If you cannot leave the toxic work environment, the ongoing stress may contribute to feeling depleted, demoralized, both anxious and depressed, alienated etc.
Being intentional
Using your energy wisely is something we may end up discussing in therapy. What’s worth your precious energy, and what’s not? Do you notice how the energy of anger impacts you? Perhaps it contributes to sleep issues, anxious coping strategies you may not like, irritability, difficulties with focus, ruminating etc. What would feel like a productive way to channel your anger and energy?
Also, what nourishes and recharges you?
Self-care
How do you take care of yourself on a daily basis? I encourage finding routines and rituals emphasizing nourishment, rest, and small things to appreciate.
Can you leave work at work? Are you still carrying the tension and stress in your body during your time off? How do you find release (crafting, exercise, dancing, martial arts, singing, sex, weight lifting etc)?
It’s so hard…to not repeat the mistreatment with yourself. This is actually where you have the most influence: how you think about yourself, talk to yourself, treat and care for yourself. When you are friendly, loving and kind to yourself, you consciously make a choice to resist oppression.
Community
Self-care practices are so important, yet may not be enough on their own. You need people to turn to where you can breathe, speak freely and be fully yourself. You may prefer to speak one-on-one with someone you trust who can affirm you, remind you that your feelings matter—that you matter—and that you are loved. If you prefer, you may need to gather your circle of best-ies, where they see you, feel with you, and where you do not have to leave any part of yourself behind. Such mutual care and support, a beloved community, is how you can create a greater sense of safety for yourself, as well as for your near and dear. Together you may find solace and strength to continue forging ahead… tall spine, chin up and respectfully.
Recommended:
Homecoming by Thema Bryant, PhDThe Pain We Carry by Natalie Y. Gutiérrez, LMFT
Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
The Inner Work of Racial Justice by Rhonda V. Magee
You Belong by Sebene Selassie