How important is it to have a therapist of the same ethnic/cultural/racial identity?
Many Asian Americans living and working in NYC are eager to find an Asian American therapist offering Somatic Therapy and trauma-informed approaches.
For some, shared experiences provide more ease and understanding. Trust more readily builds in forming a relationship with an Asian American therapist.
However, many who have experienced childhood trauma struggle with trusting even a therapist of similar background. So then, mistrust and lack of safety are important themes in earliest stages of therapy. You and I can get to know one another slowly, and feel our way through if there’s enough commonality to gently build trust and some sense of safety over time.
That said, there is also so much diversity in what makes us Asian Americans.
While you may be looking for support with day-to-day stressors and anxiety provoking situations, therapy will also help you sort through the many layers of: racial identity, family dynamics, how to reconcile being a mix of different cultures, imposter syndrome, finding belonging…
Many individuals who reach out to me for support in therapy struggle with:
- Difficulties sleeping
- Pushing through no matter how stressed
- Unable to relax
- Stimulation seeking
- Feeling unsatisfied regardless of achievements
- Outwardly seeming “fine”
You may have followed what you’re supposed to do: work hard and build a professional career. With friends, maybe even a partner and family, your life is full and you stay busy. Often hurrying, you seem to be racing against time—a lot. Perhaps you struggle with finding closeness both in friendships and with dating in NYC. Regardless, you often feel exhausted; worry that you’re near burn out. There is emptiness, loneliness, anxiety and/or depression, isolation…a chronic feeling as if all that you’re doing is never quite enough…
Do you feel a constant sense of pressure and stress?
While you may have been encouraged to be high-achieving, goal-oriented behaviors may only take you so far. You may have been raised by parents who held high expectations and didn’t verbally acknowledge, appreciate or affirm you when you did well. Now, you mainly feel crushed by high standards and perfectionism you hold yourself to as an adult.
The Myth of Success for Asian Americans
Often due to generational trauma, you may have been instilled with a drive for success, first with educational and later career achievements. Some immigrant parents even heavily focus on financial success, not realizing that it’s an attempt to make up for the losses related to immigration and historical trauma.
Regardless of success, professional title, career advancement etc you still may not feel happy. Many individuals I support often do not feel satisfied… Asian Americans in NYC of various professions struggle with cultural identity dilemmas and racial discrimination. Feeling undervalued and under-recognized. Passed over for promotions, or limited to certain roles. Maybe, you’ve gotten the desired leadership role, yet feel under-compensated, frustrated, disgruntled. No matter how far you’ve “made it,” you don’t feel fully seen on some level. Do you ask yourself: what’s missing?
Unfortunately, the dynamics you encounter are systemic. Both explicit and unconscious biases are part of a very long history of racial discrimination, mistreatment and erasure of Asians in the US. Stereotyped into being a “model minority,” hitched to the pursuit of economic achievement, first off, overshadows poverty in various Asian American communities, and secondly, doesn’t necessarily equate to social or cultural acceptance.
What you may learn in therapy with Michele…
You will be encouraged to prioritize: relationships; rest, relaxation and recharging. To celebrate and savor what you’ve accomplished. To feel a sense of pride, satisfaction, and pleasure in your life. Enjoying how you spend your time and energy. To follow what brings you joy and fulfillment.
The process of therapy will also help you examine any obstacles blocking you from pursuing the above. You’ll sort what you may have been told, from what you actually want to live by now. Should-s will start to fade into the background, and your own needs and heartfelt desires will be clearer, easier to follow. Often toxic, or traumatic, shame contributes to feeling stuck— whereas you’ll discover freedom when you’re living in integrity with your own beliefs and values.
In relationship to others, as a result of therapy, you may start to learn to share more about yourself, which fosters deeper connections and intimacy. You experiment with opening up and realize that others also go through similar struggles… that you can feel emotionally supported. Of course, your friends care and want to be there for you!
Feeling more connected can be an antidote to shame, and restore a sense of belonging.
Asian Mental Health Podcasts
Asians Do Therapy, hosted by Yin J. Li, LMFT
Beyond The Couch, hosted by Diana Liao, LMHC, Samantha Waldman, LMHC and Christie Kim, LMHC
Brown Taboo Project, hosted by the South Asian Sexual & Mental Health Alliance (SASMHA)
MannMukti, each episode features a guest speaking to unique topics in South Asian mental health
Thrive Spice, hosted by Vanessa Tsang Shiliwala